The scene was pure chaos today as the tiny nation of Appalachia took to the street in jubilant celebration after defeating the Michigan Wolverines with two blocked field goals. Pandemonium reigned as tens of thousands of Appalachians waved their national flag and sang in some language I don’t know. Even neighboring countries like Freedonia and Udorkistan celebrated along with their Appalachian allies.

For those of you who don’t know, Appalachia is a tiny, former Soviet nation nestled between several countries named something-stan and best known for exporting those weird little dollsthat have other little dolls inside them. Appalachian State, not even on the big football map, defeated the previously number five ranked Michigan in a stunning upset. Meanwhile back in the United States, five or six Michigan students lamented at the local Subway in Ann Arbor over a foot-long BMT and a bag of sun chips.

“We were this close to a national championship last year and now our dreams are dead, barely 30 minutes into our season,” said John Smith whose name has been cleverly changed to protect his privacy and also so his parents won’t find out he is still racking up student loan bills and not working as a ‘big shot’ stock broker as they were led to believe. “This is my senior year too. Was it too much to ask to have a shot at the BCS game just once in the seven years I’ve attended this damn school? I mean I could understand if I graduated in three or four years like everyone else but I’ve wasted seven years of my life waiting to be number one. I’m really speechless.”

But enough about John, let’s get to the heart of the matter: Michigan choked a ‘gimme’ game and my second point; this game should never have been played. For the first part, what can you say? I’m sure Michigan fans are dying to flame me by saying “Yeah, but…” Please. Spare all of us. There is nothing you can say. Your team got beat by a team that your 5th string players should have beaten soundly. I’m not picking on Appalachian State by any means; they played one hell of a game. In fact, if the voting were today, I’d vote the entire Appalachian State Special Teams for the Heisman over Mike Hart in a snap. Two blocked field goals and two stymied two-point attempts against Michigan? You got my vote.

But what I don’t like about college football is that teams like Appalachian State should never be playing Michigan in the first place. Yes, the damn Mountaineers won today and yes it was amazing but that’s just it, it shouldn’t be amazing. When top 10 teams play cellar-dwellers or non Division I-A teams and run up the score, both sides win a ‘sort of’ victory. Smaller teams get exposure and some cash for playing the larger school, even if it means getting their ass handed to them on TV and Sports Center. To me this is akin to a guy getting hit in the groin by a four year old with a Frisbee then showing it to millions of people on America’s funniest home videos because you might win $1000 and get to meet Bob Saget.

The big teams win too because they get the easy victory and rack up a lot of points which helps them in the standings. Does anyone really want to watch the University of Florida whip up on Middle Tennessee School of Dental Hygienics 85-0? Even if I was a die-hard Gator fan, I don’t think I could bear to watch. Sportsmanship would eventually overrule sports fan and I’d just have to turn away, like when the Lions chow down on the defenseless Zebra. Yeah, it’s part of Mother Nature but that doesn’t mean I have to watch it happen.

I don’t know how one creates a balanced situation where little schools get a shot without playing against the behemoth schools, but I’m just not that interested in NCAA Football until bowl season or when two top teams face off against each other for that reason. For every Appalachian State upset, there are literally hundreds of games that should never have been played in the first place between some monster football program and some small, under-matched opponent who will eventually get embarrassed. But I can also understand why a top team doesn’t want to face another top team if they can help it. They stand to gain nothing and they have everything to lose. In a poll or the BCS rankings, there isn’t that much of a difference between OU beating North Texas and OU beating Texas yet an OU loss to Texas, even by a last minute field goal as times runs out, would potentially kill their hopes for a National Championship. So these games that should never have been played will continue to be played.

All of my sophomoric humor aside, I’d like to truly congratulate Appalachian State on their victory. The talking heads may try to write this game off saying Michigan looked past their opponent, underestimated this, didn’t prepare for that. It’s all crap. You can chalk up the first quarter of a game to that. After the first quarter, there are no excuses. Michigan, not Appalachian State, was the one embarrassed on TV. Appalachian State whipped Michigan’s ass in Ann Arbor. Period.

And maybe I am completely wrong. Maybe the little schools do want a shot at the big schools because even a one in ten thousand chance is better than not trying at all. My sincerest congrats to Appalachian State. You have struck fear in the big schools, inspired a nation of smaller schools and humbled one sports writer in LA. Enjoy your victory. You earned it.